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These PagesAll of these historical pages are available to all who wish to read them. Many of these pages refer to my own Quest. It was this site, these pages and Efficient Love - The Good-Man Methodology that helped me find my own, perfect for me, Heroine. My Quest has been totally, successfully accomplished - and Janet and I are sharing a glorious path of our own Happily Here & Now on our way to our shared version of Happily Ever After. Although my Quest was wonderfully successful and is now over, I have left many of these pages that refer to my own search unchanged so that readers can better understand how I used The Method. Hence, many pages purposely have not been updated to show my success! My most sincere hope is that this old site will help give you insights on how best to EFFICIENTLY find your own Hero or Heroine! EfficientLove.comTo find out more, also check out www.EfficientLove.com for updates. Paths & Trails
The Main Paths Below are the three main paths through my Domain. You can always look here on all the pages to change to another main path at any time. Your Quest Click on the path below to find ways for you to better define the Hero or Heroine you seek.
Writings Click on the path below if you would like to read my fiction and non-fiction.
My Quest Click on the path below if you want to learn all about me and see my own wish lists for the Heroine I seek for me. Caution: this is a long and hard trail intended only for those few brave souls who might, just maybe, be my Heroine.
What's New Very Major Update: VERY HAPPILY
MARRIED New Page: Dear Dashing are periodic answers to emails I receive about how to better apply The Good-Man Methodology to the reader's own relationship issues. New Page: Relationship Foreplay which will give you 5 dates of info on a prospective lover in only 5 minutes! New page just added to share some of the the spectacular, mesmerizing, kaleidoscopic sunsets that slowly parade out at sea each evening off my balcony. Click the picture to see some of the whispering quiet reminders of the power of God. New pages just added for those who want Instant Chemistry first and for those who think I have too much Time on My Hands! New page: Strictly for friends and family on my recent relocation to a new paradise. Email me for the map to this hidden trail.
Also, a new page, Soulmate Math on how each picky trait you want impacts your number of possible Heroes or Heroines. Also, several new Dragon pages have just been added. The first 8 of them have been so popular, I've added ten more Sneaky Relationship Dragons to the list. General Updates Continue This Domain is undergoing it first major renovation in four years. Some main trails and side paths are undergoing brand new construction while others are simple cosmetic repairs. Those paths undergoing major new construction may still be temporarily closed. This Domain started, once upon a time, as a single page and a single picture with my own Quest as its sole goal. The site has grown haphazardly to over 350 separate web pages and some readers are getting lost in the bushes. These new pages will have much better navigation with much better organization of thought and purpose - with it primary goal of helping others find their own Hero or Heroine. Please stay tuned and. as always, comments and suggestion are welcome. Also, please let me know of broken links, typos, inconsistent formatting or anything that seems confusing.
One note about emailing me: Please click on the eyes and don't change the automated subject line. If you do, my spam filter will probably delete your mail without me seeing it until I add you as a "Friend." Sorry for the constraint, but I get almost 2,000 spams every day - and this is the only way to easily solve the problem! |
My DIDO List - The Day In / Day Out Stuff - List Three
If you are here, as a prospective Heroine, then it is, hopefully, because we look like a VERY good match on List One and List Two! That part is GREAT -- but unfortunately it is not enough -- for either of us. The next step is to see how well matched we are on the 10,000 things that go into the Day-In-Day-Out, or DIDO, of living together. Please take out a #2 pencil and fill out all 10,000 things that are important to you. A little too daunting to even think about? So, let's start with the top two or three dozen things that are most important to YOU, your lifestyle, your beliefs, your expectations. This is usually the hard part of the fairy tale. The part without much romance, the part that can even seem brutally cold, the part that IS day in and day out living together, running the household of the castle and defending the kingdom.....all the stuff that can distract to the point of interference of intimacy and bliss and contentment. The good part is, that by dealing with this stuff up front and making sure there is a mutual match, this same stuff WON'T distract you, and maybe even us, from intimacy and bliss and contentment in the future! What goes on your DIDO List are the things that you already know, probably have discussed more than once with past or current lovers, and issues that have caused more than their share of past conflict. But THAT is the point -- write them down now and share them up front -- so you flush out deal killers quickly -- before wasting time and emotions on a relationship that will end up as a dead end. This way you can spend your time finding your perfect Hero or Heroine where all your lists AND day in and day out match perfectly. Want some examples for your List 3? Here are over three dozen known, unordered issues that are important to me out of MY 10,000. (If you want more examples of List Three to help you with your own DIDO List and want a woman's perspective, see the link at the end of my diatribe.)
Let me guess -- you still want some specific examples of what kind of details to include in your own DIDO List? OK. Here are a few of the above with MY answers and opinions -- these are just samples to help guide you in developing your own List Three. Having My BabyJust so there's no question, at my age, I have ZERO interest in you having my baby. Hugh Hefner and I may share the same birthday -- a few decades apart thank you very much -- but he and I don't share the same ideas of fatherhood. I do not want my child bringing my Social Security check in from the mailbox as they come home from school. No matter what grade they're in! This issue has been a deal killer in more than one relationship -- including, once upon a recent time, a beautiful, near-perfect, 29-year-old real-life ballerina (yes, really, professionally)...one that seemed incredibly well matched to each of our Lists One & Two.......one that might have, perhaps and otherwise, been the One. But at 29, her biological clock was already ticking -- and we both knew it would only get louder (this issue is one of the reasons I may date, but rarely get involved with, those younger than one third of a century). With the ballerina, this conflict in our personally critical goals was made honestly clear -- up front, by both of us, in part because of this very List Three -- helping us both to avoid all of the inevitable emotions that would have just been postponed if we had still chosen Happily Here and Now. Instead, only the If Onlys remain. As regrettable as that almost-relationship was, it was a much more preferable approach than what happened with another -- when, after clearly putting the issue to bed, up front, it came back -- out of the blue, without warning -- as her now, all-of-a-sudden, absolute, non-negotiable requirement -- six months into a momomomonogamous relationship -- and from a woman who was almost 44 -- who already has 24- and 21-year old daughters! Talk about bait and switch. I don't want this issue to surprise me again. So, be honest with us both. And, while I appreciate that you might like the possibilities of our gene pools being both shaken and stirred together, I had a vasectomy a dozen years ago and have no intention of having it reversed -- no matter how much fun our shaking and stirring might be. (Yes, the-44-with-the-non-negotiable-requirement knew it from the very beginning!) And, while I'm touched and flattered by the requests from fans and strangers, I certainly won't reverse it for your artificial insemination needs either -- especially when there isn't even the shaking and stirring as incentives! (Is it the rocket scientist thingy or my writings or the blue eyes???) This is obviously a VERY major issue that probably needs to be discussed on everyone's DIDO without presumption that you both already know the answer of the other -- and while "biological clock ticking" may change in volume over time, you need to know and speak your heart on this issue with absolute candor and honesty -- about today and as far into the future as you can see and hear! And, do NOT deviously assume you will be able to manipulate, or change, the other person's opinion AFTER the relationship evolves. KidsI am seeking a totally encompassing, adult-adult relationship that will be THE most important thing in both of our lives. This almost certainly means no small children in the equation and probably no at-home children at all. Kids and kid-related issues have been the primary reason most of my past relationships have ended (my last serious relationship ended about a year and a half ago as a result of kid issues). Since the national statistics are that an overwhelming 70% of second and subsequent marriages fail due to existing kid issues, I very much would like to avoid this issue in the future. (See Kiddo Dragon.) My supreme goal is that my next relationship never ends…for any reason If you have maybe, just maybe, ONE, still-at-home, well-behaved, well-mannered, well-balanced, reasonably neat, half-grown and nearly gone-from-the-nest (say, above fifteen) child, I don't necessarily see that as a deal killer -- subject to your priorities truly being properly balanced between them and our relationship. If your main goal is to have a father or male role model for your existing children, or if your children are always your top priority day in and day out, then our goals are NOT even close to being the same. If you are a prospective Heroine, PLEASE pay attention to this virtually non-negotiable constraint -- and don't waste either of our time by assuming you will be able to change my mind with your particularly incredibly special children. I am sure they are wonderful...but I will constantly see them as an interference with the kind of lifestyle and dedicated relationship I want to share with my Heroine on our way to Happily Ever After. However, depending upon the kind of relationship that you and I develop and what our mutual goals are, I might, just maybe, even like to possibly have, Adam, my well-behaved, well-mannered, well-balanced, reasonably neat,nearly-16 year-old son come live with us for a while -- if that is consistent with YOUR goals. Again, I see the adult-to-adult relationship with my lover to be our top priority -- even in this case. In some ways, a possible ideal situation MIGHT be you having a son or daughter who is about the same age as my son so that we could raise both of them together. As you can see, I am only slightly more flexible on this than starting a new child together. Like the issue above though, existing kids probably ought to be on most folks' DIDO list so clarity is there for all to see. Top PriorityBeing each other's top priority during day in day out living is one of the most important List Three issues for me. A good friend told me many years ago, "You ALWAYS make time for what is REALLY important to you. Otherwise, it's just words." My personal experiences have proven him right every time. If it's not critically important to you that you be my top priority and that I be you're top priority, then the bottom line is probably that we are not going to be happy together. I understand how kids, job, health, family, church, who knows what else, can rise for awhile to the top priority position, but for me, Happily Ever After requires that we have to be each other's top priority. Intimate Quality TimePart of being each other's top priority is doing whatever is necessary to make time to share one-on-one quality time together every single day. Not just lip service, so to speak, about being top priority. And this isn't even counting all those OTHER hours for sex. Can you balance your time and priorities for at least an hour or two every single day, just for US? (Hint: This has been, and will be, a deal killer when not given the highest of priorities)! One of the most overwhelming conclusions I've reached from talking with the Teeming Ten Thousands is that so very many of their past relationships disintegrated because intimate quality time wasn't a daily high priority for one or both in their relationships. Are you as totally committed as I am to make sure this won't be a problem with YOUR Hero or Heroine? Hint: It only works if BOTH make it the same very high priority -- every day. LocationLocation includes two issues for me - how far apart we are now. And, where we might live if we ended up sharing Happily Here & Now, on our way to Happily Ever After together. If we are more than a couple of hundred miles apart, we will have a major problem testing how well we will do together day in and day out. While we may get together -- it would end up being infrequently due to the distance. When we were together, it would hopefully be incredible and wonderful -- a honeymoon every time. But, it would NOT tell us how we would do with DIDO. When you only see someone every couple of weeks or once a month, it doesn't give you very many clues as to how well you will do as a couple, with all the distractions of life off the honeymoon. If someone has a solution for this problem with long distance relationships, let me know! The second issue is whether you are flexible where you live. A past problem I had with one relationship was that she was born, brought up and lived her whole life in a small West Texas town. And, in spite of her multiple assurances it wasn't a problem to move anywhere her Hero was, as she saw as her instructions in the Book of Ruth, when it came down to it, she decided she could never leave that same small town -- no matter what. Ever. For anyone. Not even Ruth. And, I decided I could never be happy -- living in that small town -- or with someone that changed major rules in the middle of the game. If this is an issue for you, please HONESTLY identify it up front so we don't waste each other's time. MomomomonogomySince Momomomonogomy is almost always a big issue, it has its own web page. Actually, as you will see, it has two web pages. ;> Medications / Drugs / SSRIs / AlcoholPreferably, please don't be on any major medications or require use of any drugs, obviously illegal ones and especially those including any from the legal SSRI family. While you may find terrific help from these SSRI drugs, and this isn't necessarily a deal killer, past experiences with those that used them will make me very cautious of even trying Happily Ever After with you. And, even a very occasional cigarette IS a deal killer. Likewise, please don't have an alcohol problem. Past or current. I am a very light social drinker myself but could easily give it up completely if that was something that was even just moderately important to my lover. Ghosts & BaggageTo me, Baggage is the bad impacts of past relationships that negatively affect your new relationships -- Ghosts are the feelings of love or longing or even excessively lingering anger or hate for and toward the other person themselves in a past relationship to the point of interfering with the totally positive and complete focus on a new relationship. What baggage and ghosts of yours might honestly cause a problem with our relationship short-term? long-term? How long has it been since your last serious love affair or marriage ended? What remnants remain? Active / Needed TherapyPlease be done with any active or needed therapy -- and out of any and all twelve step programs for at least ten years. See above. Even if you are done, or think you are done, what residual issues might honestly cause a problem with our relationship? If you "shut down" emotionally, on more than a very rare basis as a way of dealing with life or problems or even issues between us, it will probably be a deal killer from my perspective. And, no, I have never had any kind of therapy. Although none of the 15 of me has ever thought it was necessary, we did take a vote once and it was almost unanimous that all of us were perfectly, flawlessly normal. All except the one dissenting vote. But HE has always been kind of weird. Religion"Actually, I'm Perverted Orthodox. You?" (paraphrase from some old Woody Allen movie -- I don't recall which one). Seriously, yes, I absolutely believe there is a participating God....One who has participated positively in my life.....but I'm not religious in the traditional sense -- no matter how often I am told that I become an Angel in so many people's lives (it is not MY claim...how could it be if I am not traditionally religious?...but it is a whole other, ongoing saga and prediction that supposedly explains why I haven't found my Heroine...yet -- but I digress). Besides, Angels are always up in the air, harping about something! I was raised Baptist / Presbyterian and my grandparents were Baptist missionaries in Brazil. Once they were back in the States, I spent a lot of time with them when I was young -- with many of their beliefs positively impacting my character and mores. However, adult reflection also made it clear to me that a lot of what they believed -- and what most every organized religion represents -- is, at best, demagoguery. However.....I absolutely, unequivocally and without a doubt seriously DO believe that God has some very specific purpose for me to do some greater good...though, so far, She still hasn't told me what...no matter how often I keep asking. And, I ask often. When I find out, I will let you know. In the meantime, you're welcome to be about as devout as you want to be and I'm probably willing to maybe go to church with you from time to time if it's important to you. But if you're looking for someone to be extremely, traditionally devout, to be your "spiritual leader" and expect him to interpret the Scriptures literally, then I'm not someone who is going to satisfy that need. I would not interfere with your faith or require you to reflect my beliefs. However, I require the same thing in return. I do find that I am much more drawn to a Heroine who has some level of spiritual belief and who views the wonders of the Universe from that perspective. Projections and TruthYou've probably picked up on my focus on truth and deception. After a decade of online experiences and research, and a lifetime of real life, I keep thinking I have seen it / heard it all...allowing me to hone my intuition to immediately detect problems in this area.....but then I end up still getting occasionally surprised. I have found there are two major kinds of deceit.....intentional..... which we all know about......(if I get one more picture scanned from a cut out from a Victoria Secret's catalog......<now you know one reason why I ask for four pictures.....and yes, some have sent four of the same model out of multiple catalogs>.... then when caught claim they model for Vickie's Place as a sideline....give me a break...but I digress!) The biggest, maybe less intentional, type deception I see most often is Projection. One problem about laying out my Lists like I do is that it gives a script to some for them to project and color who they really are to match what they think I seek. There are two subsets to this: projecting to fool me....projecting to fool you. Projecting to fool me is probably pretty obvious. Please don't waste our time and emotions on this. When I find out, I will also find it to be unforgivable. I have also had many who seemed to like the portrait I have painted of MY Heroine so well, that they try to BE that person, not so much for me, but for themselves. But it just never works.....long-term. Who you really are will eventually burst out of any false constraints you try to impose. If you are really my Heroine, who you REALLY are is the person that I will plan on spending DIDO with....since the outcome of projecting to fool you will be the same as projecting to fool me and other kinds of intentional deceit, it makes NO sense for either of us to project any part differently than the way we would REALLY be day in and day out. Clear? Pumpkin TimeOK. I have gotten so many questions about whatthehellisthat, I will tell you. What time do you turn in to a pumpkin, i.e., what time do you go to bed to sleep? That is about as DIDO as you can get since it happens most every DIDO. A problem arises, in a relationship, if one of you is a chicken and an earlier errrr ariser, and the other is a night owl <don't you just HATE how sanctimonious chickens can be?? But, I digress>. I am an owl and NOT a morning person. If you like to go to bed, to sleep, at ten and get up at the mythological five or six AM, we are going to have complications galore, day in and night out. Major Pet PeevesNot to dwell on the negative, but I, like everyone, do have my own list of major pet peeves (oh God, NOT another list!)... These are big issues to me -- traits that would be hard for me to live with -- ones that drive me crazy or make me angry....or make me not want to be around certain people........for me, they include:
I'm a positive person. And I'm positive that my real Heroine won't have any of those traits. God, I hope not! You might note that many of these major pet peeves are the obverse of the positively stated traits on my List One. If you're working on your own List One, try doing the same thing with your own MAJOR pet peeves. It might give you some clarity for additional positive traits you want to include on your List One AND List Two. Television / Music"TV is chewing gum for the eyes." Hopefully, you're not one of those folks who likes chewing on TV as background noise. And, if you have EVER watched more than 15 aggregate, combined minutes of Jerry Springer and/or WWF Wrestling, I consider it to be an absolute deal killer. Period! :> If you're a TV addict and NEED to watch even a couple of sitcoms or soap-operas-masquerading-as-drama, etc. most every night, on commercial TV, I doubt we would be spending much time together in the evenings. With one exception, I personally dislike inane sitcoms to the point that I would probably go into another room and do something else to avoid all sensory impact. Yes, I have my own preferences for TV -- science fiction (part of actually having once been a real rocket scientist). Also, college football, and the Cowboys, are about the only sports I watch. But, besides CNN, CNBC and Biography on A&E, there is something I truly enjoy using a television for -- I LOVE movies, preferably unedited, uncensored, directors' cuts. Especially when cuddled up with my lover for two uninterrupted hours. In case you're interested, three of my most favorite movies are: "Shakespeare in Love" (one of the most exquisitely, perfectly, made movies I've ever seen), "Wild Orchid" (the most sensual) and "Don Juan De Marco" (the most entertainingly romantic). What are your favorite three to watch -- curled up with your lover? But unless it is a total veg-out night, there is too much to do and share than spend more than a couple of hours watching anything except each other. If you're someone who prefers complete quiet at home, this could be a problem too. Unlike TV, music is a necessity for me. I have over 4,000 MP3s which is on all the time -- either fed from one of my dedicated computers to my music system piped all over the house -- or on one of my most favorite toys: my 15 gig iPod (an incredible device that holds all 4,000 of my songs plus several complete audio books I am listening to, plus room for more...and is about the size of 50 of my stacked business cards). The list of 4,000 includes rock, blues, classical, new age, pop, oldies, alternative, soundtracks and even Garth Brooks (he used to be the ONLY country I like with me considering most of the rest unpalatable...but I have added a few more to the list). The current playlists also include some VERY eclectic stuff -- like Native American Ritual Music, Music for Zen Meditation, Incantation Music of the Andes, along with some obscure artists like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Bob Seger, Melissa Etheridge, Sting, Sarah McLachlan, Righteous Brothers, Debussy, Jimmy Buffett, Jewel, Rachmaninoff, Celine Dion, Vangelis, Tomita, Bach, Natalie Cole (a la Scott & Rachel), Enya, Pink Floyd, Andrew Webber, Sade, Phil Collins, Eagles, Prince, Rod Stewart, Tchaikovshy, Tracy Chapman, Eric Clapton, k.d. lang, Windham Hill, Mariah Carey, Santana, Fleetwood Mac, Toni Braxton, Kitaro, Michael Bolton, Wagner, Tab Benoit, War, Hootie and the Blowfish, ZZ Top, Neil Diamond, Peter Frampton, Janis Joplin, Madonna, Bob Marley, The Doors, Meatloaf, Edwin McCain, Bryan Adams, blues-artists-you-have-never-heard-of and even Kenny G and Yanni. Great soundtracks, from not-so-necessarily-great movies, include, Hope Floats, Boys on the Side, Blade Runner, Sleepless in Seattle, Dune, Out of Africa, Don Juan De Marco, Wild Orchid, Blues Brothers, Amadeus, Top Gun, Braveheart, City of Angels, etc. When you put THESE 4,000 songs on shuffle....you just never know what might play next. What music of yours would you add to the collection? What would you want on OUR special playlist...to create songs just for us? Out of all that music, if I had to pick a favorite it would probably still be Enigma (especially the MCMXC aD album). It's amazing how good that album is -- no matter what you are doing! And, if you were at home with me, don't be surprised if at any time that I take you in my arms for slow dancing.....that might last all evening. Commode-seat Positioning, Toothpaste Squeezing,
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The BookIf you're enjoying your visit here to my Domain, you can help support, sponsor and maintain all of these many paths and trails with your purchase of the JUST released THIRD edition of Efficient Love. The just-released 184 page paperback edition is now available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and most bookstores for only $19.97! Get your own Efficient Love today!
If it's not in stock at your local bookstore, just have them special order it for you. Tell them it's ISBN # 978-0-9792952-0-1 Click the Book Cover for Amazon Listing:
Want to know more first? Check out www.EfficientLove.com for a taste test! We've JUST set up a new group on Facebook focused on helping readers more efficiently benefit from the concepts of Efficient Love. There, you can post your own Profound List for free and let those who match your list, find you - Efficiently! Click Facebook to check it out! Dear Dashing "I am a frequent visitor of your web site. I have met a man, and we have been seeing each other for 20 months now, I have 2 daughters 16 and 19 he has 1 daughter 13...I have more freedom than him, because of the ages of our children. I would like more quality time with him to develop a deeper relationship. We are committed to each other and"...Click for More Want More Love? Many readers have asked for Efficient Love products that reflect the insights and philosophies of The Good-Man Methodology that are described in the book.
The above photos just show a few of the over 4,000 products NOW available that reflect over four dozen of the "Efficient Epiphanies TM" of the book - products include everything from tees to thongs...from hats to things for your mice and doggies...from teddies to tote bags....and for all sorts of items for your baby...no matter what their age! We have tried to include a lot of combinations that readers want. If you want a different combination of Efficient Epiphanies TM and photography and logos, let us know and we will try our best to generate products that meet your wants, wishes and needs! Click Stuff For More Love! Sponsored Links ...
One note about emailing me: Please click on the eyes and don't change the automated subject line. If you do, my spam filter will probably delete your mail without me seeing it until I add you as a "Friend." Sorry for the constraint, but I get almost 2,000 spams every day - and this is the only way to easily solve the problem! Efficient Love? The concept of Efficient Love is not the oxymora it first appears. Doesn't it make incredible sense to invest a few hours to FULLY define ALL of your wants, wishes and needs that would describe your ideal lover? By efficiently identifying the general traits, characteristics, sexual issues and day-in day-out needs you find important, you can very quickly recognize if a prospective lover is a genuine long-term match BEFORE the chemistry takes over and leads you into yet another dead-end relationship and through another Cycle of the Nine Stages of Love. Do you really want to watch the sun set on yet another day without sharing YOUR path of Happily Here & Now with someone who wants YOUR same Happily Ever After? Doesn't it make more sense for you to find YOUR ideal Hero or Heroine as quickly and efficiently as possible? Wouldn't you rather share as many glorious days and nights of wonderful inefficiencies possible with your ideal lover, as quickly as possible? Don't waste another sunset.
These pages will show you how. Want to know more? Click YES!
Improve Your Dating, Love, Relationships for Happily Ever After LoveDating, love,
relationships, marriage, romance are all important concepts to avoid
loneliness,being lonely and divorce.
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Questions or comments about the web site to webmaster@good-man.com Complaints to igor@good-man.com.Dashing Good Man - Another Creative Focus of Good-Man, LLC. Copyright © 1994-2008 Good-Man, LLC. All rights reserved. Last modified: 05/20/09
Improve Your Dating, Love, Relationships for Happily Ever After LoveDating, love,
relationships, marriage, romance are all important concepts to avoid
loneliness,being lonely and divorce.
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